Fear of Transformation

I have experienced some emotional and I believe spiritual change today, beginning with 2 AM this morning. While visiting my family, we played a new game and I drunk a lot of rum. My family went to bed and I tried to sleep on the couch but couldn't (the night before I had trouble too; just feeling too excited to sleep.) I've started reaching out with my (positive) feelings lately. I followed my intuition and went for a walk through the snow and cold to a little old wooden bridge where I always found inspiration. I looked but saw nothing paranormal there, but I also felt I wasn't alone and and that unseen forces were inspiring me somehow (always did, and in other natural locations too.) I cried a bit for unknown reasons. When I got home I gazed out the windows at the stars as I lie on the couch, and I imagined a strong beam of pure white light shooting straight down from a great height, right into me, filling me with light, inspiration and power. I felt inspired and changed somehow inside, and when I reached out with my feelings in that instant I saw a shooting star.

When I got home I had supper and watched "A Christmas Carol" with Alister Sim. My favorite movie, and has been since I was a boy. I cried a great deal while watching it, more than I usually do. And if asked why I couldn't answer. Only to say sorrow for the world, for my unhappy past, for my love for this world, and other tender feelings which I coudn't explain. It built up for that big scene at the end where Scrooge 'loses it' with joy. And the moment he did, and I opened my heart to it, I saw a fantastic white orb going by my window! It was waving as it went, and its brightness was very intense. It was between my apartment and the haunted inn. Yet I felt it was intended for me somehow. I have begun to see orbs, or similiar small moving fragments of bright white light, moving about my bedroom window at night lately. I feel I am going through a change, and it's really of my own doing, yet I can't say that I really understand it. When I saw the bright orb (and it wasn't that dark out yet when I saw it by the way, anyone could have seen it) I felt fear inside, and almost instantly I thought, I can't handle this. But afterwards I was sure I could. I feel that these lights are somehow related to this spiritual change.

What a truly amazing experience! These things things are trying to get your attention for some reason. You have various interesting experiences with orbs, shadowy things and what-not. Wonder what they are and what they want?